> 3521 

:5i3 



Si 



Clarence Decides 



-BY- 



BEULAH KING 



v^i 




PRICE 35 CENTS 



Eldridge Entertainment House 



Franklin, Ohio, 



Denver, Colo. 



NEW HIGH SCHOOL PLAYS 

ALONG CAME BUD— 

for 4 boys and 2 girls. Bud, quite inno- 
cently causes a lot of trouble, but all ends 
well v/hen Bud comes along. Price 25c. 

CLARENCE DECIDES— 

is for 4 males and 6 females, and is a 
very clever comedy. All kinds of funny 
situations are introduced. Price 35c. 

THE CAPTAIN'S PREDICAMENT— 

a rattlirg good farce for 3 males and 4 
females. Lots of fun. Price, 35 cents. 

LOST— THE WHOLE CROWD AND 
THE PARROT— 

a farce in which many amusing complica- 
tions ailse. Plays whole evening. 8 
males and 5 fe.males. Price. 35 cents. 

POLLY LOU— 

a new Gladys Bridgham farce in which 
there i?, plenty of action and an interest- 
ing plot. 6 males, 8 fem.ales. Price 35c. 

THE VISITING SMITHS— 

a short sketch telling how the Smith's 
Corner Smiths descended on the New 
York Smiths for a visit. Price, 25 cents. 

THE CONVERSION OF PA, 
THE TRIALS OF EZRA— 

two new Agricultural Extension plays. 
Each, 25 cents. 



Eldridge Entertainment House 

Franklin, Ohio, also 944 S. Logan, Denver, Colo. 



Clarence Decides 



A FARCE IN THREE ACTS 



By BEULAH KING 



Copsnright, 3920, Eldridge Entertainment Hauti«> 



PUBLISHED BY 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, 
Franklin, Ohio Denver, Colo. 



f§552.\ 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 

t 

Mrs. Davenport (Aunt Susan) 

Mary Ann Lee ) 

Sarah Maud Lee > her nieces 

Julia May Lee ) 

John Smith — first gardener at Fleurmont 

John Smith — second gardener at Fleurmont 

John Smith — ^third gardener at Fleurmont 

Clarence Moore 

Mrs. Dixby-Moore — ^his mother 

Lizette — maid 



CCC 30 1920 

©CI.D 5 688 7 



"'VvO i 



Clarence Decides 



ACT I. 

Scene: — The Uvlng room at Fleurmont, summer 
home of Mrs. Davenport. At the back center a French 
door leading into the garden which is plainly visible. To> 
the left and right of the door large icindows hung with 
cretonne curtains. Beneath the windows broad window 
seats cushioned and pillowed. In the center of the right 
(stage right) wall a single door leading into the dining 
room. To the right of it, donm stage, a fireplace with 
brass compleme7its. Before the fireplace a luxurious' 
dave^iport to the back of which is a long reading table 
with a low lamp. In the left wall and directly opposite 
the fireplace a single door leading into the hall. There is 
a cottage piano back ntage left with a long seat before it. 
Plain cMirs complete the furnishings. The appearance 
of the romn is not elegant but of excellent taste. A browit 
paper parcel on the window seat. Flowers in abutidanc& 
about the room. 

At the rise of the curtain, Mrs. Davenport is seated 
in the chair by the table, holding in her hand a photo- 
graph of her three nieces taken en groupe when children. 
She is a small, charnmig woman of forty-two, loith thei 
manner of one who has seen much of life and enjoyed iti 
Lizette, armed with a large oilcloth duster, is polishing 
the piano carefully. A moment of silence while Mrs. 
Davenport regards the picture. Suddenly she breaks into 
a ripple of laughter and Lizette regards her ivith adoring 
eyes. 

Mrs. D.—(to ncrself) Mary Ann— Sarah Maud— Ju- 
lia May. Lizette, I don't even know what they look like 
and they are due in less than an hour. 

3 



^ Clarence Decides 

Lizette — Like a story book, madam. As for me, I am 
thrilled. 

Mrs, D.— (thoughtfully) They ought to be pretty. 

Lizette — How could they help it, being nieces of 
madam ? 

Mrs. D. — Lizette, do you think I am foolish? 

Lizette— Foolishi Madam? 

Mrs. D. — To take upon myself the getting of hus- 
bands for these three nieces. 

Lizette — Madam is never foolish. (Slyly.) And, be- 
sides, madam is sure of one husband, is it not so? 

Mrs. D. — Yes, Clarence has promised. Poor, dear 
Clarence. I shouldn't have had the courage to send for 
all three nieces if I hadn't been sure of one husband. 

Lizette — Ah, monsieur Clarence is so eel-egant, so 
refined, so pr-itty! 

Mrs. D. — Come here and look at this picture. (Li- 
zette goes to her.) My nieces, aged three, live and seven, 
respectively. Do you think they will make charming 
young ladies? 

Lizette — (clasping her hands) Ah, Madam, they 
are charming young ladies. 

Mrs. D. — hvith enthusiasm) Lizette, we must make 
them so. Monsieur Clarence is very fastidious and his 
mother, ah, Lizette, you don't know his mother. Mrs. 
Dixby-Moore is quite elegant. They must be trained in 
such a way that they will set off Monsieur's millions. It's 
going to take a lot of money, Lizette, before they will 
suit Mrs. Dixby-Moore, and we'll have to scrimp and 
save and pinch — but not while she's staying with us, Li- 
zette, no, no, no, no, that would never do. We must spend 
all if need be, and then when Clarence decides — ah, then 
(Rising tenth a flourish) we are fixed, n'est ce pas? 

Lizette — (going hack to piano) But, madam thinks 
not of herself, and monsieur can w^ed only one. 

Mrs. D. — (ivalking to piano) To be sure. But one 
is quite enough, Lizette, one is quite enough. I shall 



Clarence Decides 5 

spend whole months visiting her and she won't know I'm 
there, the establishment will be so large — and you will go 
with me, Lizette. We shall have all the roses we want, hot 
house in the winter and gardens in the summer. Oh, I've 
fine schemes in my head when Clarence decides. 

Lizette — { chuckling) And he has promised. 

Mrs. D. — Solemnly, Lizette, under oath ! (She walks 
over to unndow at left) 

Lizette — Oh, it is a dream, but still, one must be 
careful. 

Mrs. D. — I wish we had a grand place here, a won- 
derful estate. Lizette, don't breathe it to a soul, but I 
have advertised for three gardeners to fix over the 
grounds. 

Lizette^ — Oh, mon Dieu! Th-th-three gardeners! It 
is an outrage. Think of the expense. 

Mrs. D. — Hush! Didn't I say I must impress Mrs. 
Dixby Moore? Our rose trees do need attention. I've 
suffered worrying about them — the dear things. 

Lizette — But your nieces, will they not need much 
money, too? 

Mrs. D. — Oh, yes, a great deal; but for no longer 
than the summer, for Clarence will have decided by then. 
They must have teachers. Poor little country girls 
(coming down to table). But it is all worth while, Li- 
zette. I couldn't think of having them marry rustic 
clowns and farmers. Never, never! And after they have 
married, they will take care of their poor old aunt who 
spent her last cent to get them husbands. 

Lizette — Madam is — what do you say — a sport. 

Mrs. D. — (laughing) We've a great task before us, 
but we'll carry it through. Did the voilles I ordered 
come? 

Lizette — (going to the windoiv seat at right and 
picking up a package) Yes, madam. (Hands it to Mrs. 
D.) 



6 Clarence Decides 

Mrs. D.—(unwrappwg it)- I hope they won't be dis- 
appointing. I've wonderful Dlans for those girls' dresses. 
(Bell rings) Mercy! Who can that be? 

(Lizettc goes off at left. Mrs. D. shakes out the 
voilles ivhich are lovely in design and color, and admires^ 
them while humming softly to herself. Lizette returns.) 

Lizette — (in offended tone) The three gardeners, 
madam. 

Mrs. D. — Oh, yes. (smiling) Show them in Li- 
zette. 

(Lizette goes off at left and Mrs. D. hastily mraps up 
the voilles. Lizette returns immediately, followed hy\ 
three tall, fine looking young men, dressed in corduroys^ 
The third is apparently not more than twenty-one, plump 
and very boyish.) 

Lizette — (introdnci7ig them ivith exaggerated polite- 
ness.) Mr. John Smith. (First bows.) Mr. John 
Smith. (Second boivs.) Mr. John Smith. (Third bows.) 
(Lizette goes to door at left and stands there.) 

Mrs. D.--M.y dear boys, what an unfortunate coinci- 
dence! Three John Smiths at one house, and all of them 
tending roses. (The three glower at each other.) How- 
ever, I sha'n't let that disqualify you. I am sure you have 
all the desirable requisites. (To the First.) You have 
had experience with trees and flowers? 

First — (as if he had learned it) Yes, ma'am, I was 
chief gardener for two years at Lord Popinjay's estate in 
Devonshire. No doubt you have read of his rare varieties 
of roses. They are famous throughout the Isles. 

Mrs. D. — Indeed! And you left him? 

First — (glibly) To see this great and glorious 
country- of yours. 

Mrs. D. — But of course you understand I cannot pay 
you what his lordship did. 

First — Madam, permit me to say my wages are a 
second consideration with me. I have saved enough mon- 
ey while in his lordship's employ to make them so, and I 



Clareiice Decides 7 

assure you I am quite willing to work for whatever you 
feel free to pay me. 

Mrs. D. — (imth a sigh) You sound almost too good to 
be true. (Smiling.) I will hire you and we will discuss 
your wages and your work a little later. My maid will 
show you your quarters over the garage. Lizette? 

Lizette — Yes, madam. 

Mrs. D. — Show the young man his room. (First fol- 
lows Lizette out at left.) (To second) And you? What 
recommendation do you bring? 

Second — (as if he had learned itj I worked four 
years for the late James Jemmijohn, prominent flower 
dealer and exporter of seeds and bulbs. A short time ago 
he passed peacefully away, and I had no desire to work 
on there. Pure sentiment, madam, pure sentiment. I al- 
ways have it and I ass\ire you I shall have the same for 
you and your gardens. 

Mrs, D. — (amused.) That's nice. 

Second — Your gardens remind me of his, the plan of 
the walks, the shrubbery. It will be a pleasure to work 
here. In the matter of wages, I feel as my fellow Smith 
does — ^they are a second consideration when contentment 
of place is everything. 

Mrs. D. — It seems I have fallen on an ideal company. 
(To Third.) And you, what is your story? (Second 
goes off at left.) 

Third — (whose imagination has been outdone.) I 
haven't any. 

Mrs. D. — (who has begun to expect anything) Have- 
n't any? But didn't you — 

Third — (misiyiterpreting in his nervousness) Yes, 
Madam, I did, and, as T thought, have a good one, but 
they — they have outdone me. 

Mrs. D. — ^^^^hat do you mean? 

Third — (twisting his cap) Theirs were so much bet- 
ter. 

Mrs. D. — You are very vague, but you look honest, 
and I believe I'll hire you. 



8 Clare7ice Decides 

Third — Thank you, madam. 

Mrs. D. — It is only fair to give you a trial, and I 
shall expect you to do odd jobs for my maid when she 
asks you. Have you ever worked before? 

Third — (quickly) Yes, oh, yes, madam. 

Mrs. D. — Doing what? 

Third — (despei^atehj clutching at an idea) Shoeing 
horseSj madam. 

Mrs. D. — Shoeing horses? And why did you give it 
up? 

Third — (desperately) Well, you see, madam, there 
were no horses. 

Mrs. D. — (laughing) Oi course. How stupid of me. 
But why didn't you go in the automobile business ? 

Thirds— I had a horror of it, madam, a natural hor- 
ror. My great-grandfather had it, too. It — it runs in 
the family. 

Mrs. D. — ^Your great-grandfather? But there were 
no automobiles in his day. 

Third — No, but he dreamed of them — had regular 
nightmares about them. 

Mrs. D. — I suppose you are fond of flowers? 

Third — (siveetly) I adore them. I used to have a 
flower all my own, in a pot in our kitchen. It lived for 
years. 

M7-S. D. — Poor boy! (Smiling.) Well, I won't tax 
your imagination any longer. You are hired on faith. 
That's all for now, (She watches him, smiling as he goes 
off at left. On the threshold he passes Lizette entering, 
and she gives him a scrutinizing stare.) 

Lizette — (entering) Madam is to hire all of them? 

Mrs. D. — (turning) Yes, Lizette, all of them. (Li- 
zette sighs.) You don't like them? 

Lizette — I don't trust them. They — they — what do 
you say — do not look the part. 

Mrs. D. — ^You are prejudiced. A finer looking lot of 
men I never saw. 



Clarence Decides 9 

Lizette— (shaking her head tvisely) 'Ah, that's the 
trouble. Their hands— ex-gr^/is-ite hands, helas, they are 
too fine. 

Mrs. D. — You can't shake my faith, Lizette, and we 
shall have paradise at Fleurmont. 

(Mrs. Dixby Moore, a large, florid, haughty woman 
of fifty, and son, Clarence, appear at French door. The 
less said about Clarence's appearance the better for him. 
His chief characteristics are length, leanness and a tiny 
Tdustoche. Both are dressed in the height of fashion.) 

Clarence — My dear Mrs. Davenport, what a charm- 
ing spot your back yard is. 

Mrs. Moore — (latighing affectedly) Yes, Mrs. Daven- 
port, Clarence went into ecstasies over your garden, and 
you know he never enthuses over flowers. 

Mrs. D. — That's something I never can quite forgive 
in Clarence. Otherwise he is a nice boy. (To Mrs. M.)\ 
Sit down, do. (Mrs. M. takes chair by table. Mrs. D. 
draws up chair and sits hesid.e her and Clarence lounges 
on the lower end of the davenport.) 

Clarence — (lighting a cigarette) Of course I'm a 
nice boy — doing everything you ask of me. 

Mrs. D. — Yes, and sometimes I think I've asked too 
much. 

Clarence — Now, now! 

M\rs. D. — But suppose you just can't fall in love with 
any of them. 

Clarence — Impossible, impossible, not to fall in love 
with a niece 01 yours. By Jove, Fd make myself. 

Mrs. M. — It will be so nice for Clarence to have a 
wife and settle down. He's been so restive. 

Clarence — Really, mother, you sound as if I were a 
horse. 

Mrs. M. — And I should love his wife, I'm sure, just 
because she was his wife. 

Clarence — That's mighty nice of you, mother. 



10 Clarence Decides 

Mrs. D. — Of course they are dear girls. I can tell by 
their letters. But I haven't the slightest idea how they 
look and I suppose they do need a lot of training. (Li- 
zette enters hurriedly from left.) 

Lizette — Pardon, madam, but the new gardener has 
put the salt from the freezer in the tulip bed. 

Mrs. D. — (rising) Mercy, Lizette I (To Mrs. M.) 
I'll be with you again in a minute. (Follows Lizette off 
at left.) 

Clarence — Ha, ha, by Jove! {Gets tip and struts 
about.) 

Mrs. M. — She's perfectly foolish about her gardens. 

Clarence — She has a right to be eccentric. She's 
reached the top of the ladder, er — socially. 

Mrs. M. — (with some spite) Only through her hus- 
band. She was a nobody. 

Clarence — Uncle Mark loved her. By Jove, he did; 
and it was said of him he knew a good thing when he 
saw it. 

Mrs. M. — Your grandfather never cared for her. 

Clarenca — Grandfather was something of a nut, I'm 
told. 

Mrs. M. — Clarence! You're a nice one to, talk about 
your late grandfather when he left you all his fortune, 
and I judge you'll need it to fit out and educate a wife 
from the backwoods. If only you had been sensible you 
might have had any of the girls of your own set, but, no, 
you dillied, dallied. 

Clarence — But you have forgiven me for all that, 
now that I have really promised to marry. 

Mrs. M. — Do sit down, Clarence. You make me 
crazy walking about. 

Clarence — ( flopping on the sofa) How could a fel- 
low help being nervous while he waits to get a first 
glimpse of his future bride. 

Mrs. D. — (entering from left) The poor boy. The 
cook asked him to empty the freezer and he had an idea 



Clarence Decides 11 

salt was good for tulips. You see, he's always worked 
with horses. 

Mrs. M. — Of course you discharged him. 

Mrs. D. — (sitting) I didn't have the heart to. 

Mrs. M. — But at that rate your gardens will suffer. 

Mrs. D. — I think not, T have experts in the other 
two. 

Mrs. M. — You have two more? 

Mrs. D. — Um-um. I am indulging myself this sum- 
mer in my pet hobby. 

Mrs. M. — Of course Fleurmont is delightful. 

Mrs. D. — But it might be made far more so. 

Clarence — My dear Mrs. Davenport, allow me to say 
that after — after I become a member of the family, 
Fleurmont shall be made into w^hat you would have it. 

Mrs. D. — My dear boy. (Goes to him.) You could- 
n't say anything that would make me happier. Let me 
kiss you. (She kisses him on the forehead.) 

(Enter Lizette at left.) 

Lizette — They have come, madam. 

Mrs. D. — (turning) Oh, I'm glad. Bring them right 
in, Lizette. (Lizette starts for door, t Lizette I 

Lizette — Yes, madam. 

Mrs. D. — You might fix the tray with cookies and 
milk. I suppose they are hungry, poor dears. Bring it 
in here. 

Lizette — Yes, madam. (Goes off left.) 

Mrs. D. — Oh, dear, I'm so excited. 

(Lizette returns, followed by the three nieces. They\ 
are, to speak plainly, countrified in their clothes arid ap- 
pearancey but very pretty and of excellent possibilities. 
They have left their baggage in the hall, but we are sure 
they have brought carpet bags. -They are shy and Sai'ah 
Maud, loho, becau.se she is a little bolder than the re^t, 
has been unanimoicsly made spokesmari.) 

(Mrs. D., delighted, runs to kiss them.) 



12. Clarence Decides 

Mrs. D. — My dear girls! My dear nieces! 

(Mrs, M. gives them one look and closes her eyes 
with a well-bred imvard shudder. Clarence, who sees the 
possibilities, is amused..) 

Mrs. D. — (to Mrs. M.) My three nieces, Mary Ann 
Lee, Sarah Maud Lee, and Julia May Lee. 

(Mrs. M. botes stiffly; so do the girls.) 

Mrs. D. — My dears, Mrs. Dixby Moore and her son, 
Clarence. 

Clarence — (botving elaborately) I ajtn delighted — 
charmed ! 

Mrs. D. — Mrs. Moore and her son are to be our 
guests for a few weeks. 

Clarence — So you see, it's not to be a mere passing 
acquaintance. 

Mrs. D. — No, indeed, it's not ; and Fm sure we are to 
have a jolly summer. 

Clarence brings uv chairs and they all sit about the\ 
table, excerpt Mrs. M., who pulls her chmr back a little toi 
get a better perspective. Lizette enters with the tea wag- 
on.) 

Mrs. D. — That's it. Sit down, girls. We'll begin by 
having a cozy little lunch. I know you're faint. 

Clarence — Of course they are. Now, let me make my- 
self useful. I'll pass the cookies. 

(Exit Lizette. Clarence passes the cookies and Mrs. 
D. the. milk. The girls regard Clarence from the corners^ 
of their eyes and murmur a soft "thank you.'') 

Clarence — (to Mrs. M.) Mother, you won't partake? 
Oh, no, I rememberryou don't take milk on Thursdays. 

Clarence — (sitting next to Sarah Maud) Now, I 
say, isn't this delightful? Don't you think it's delight- 
ful? 

Sarah Mated — Oh, yes, very. 

Clarence — (trying to he stveet.) (To Julia May.) 
And you ? 



Clarence Decides 13 

Julia M'ay — Oh, yes, very. 

Clarence — (to Mary Ann) And you? 

Ma7'y Ann — Oh, yes, very. 

Clarence — There, I thought you'd think so. 

Mrs. D. — (munching a cooky to be sociable.) Did, 
you have a good journey my dears? 

(Julia May and Mary Ann look to Sarah Maaid.) 

Sarah M. — (glibly) Yes, Aunt Susan, we did. The 
waits were short and we enjoyed the scenery. At Hav- 
erly Station we were much interested in watching peo- 
ple and we amused ourselves on the train by imagining 
what you were like. 

Mrs. D. — And you're not disappointed? 

All Three — No, indeed! 

Mary Ayin — (finding her voice at last) And I think 
it's lovely here. I never saw such gardens. At home we 
had no time or space for flowers. We raised just vege- 
tables for market. 

Julia M. — (with a sigh) And we had to work pretty 
hard at times. 

Clarence — (with real sympathy) A rotten shame! 

Julia M. — But I suppose it's been good for us. At 
least so papa says. Why, some days we had to — 

Mary Ann — (giving her sister a nudge) Hush! (Iri 
her effort to check Julia M.s readiness to tell tales, she\ 
upsets her milk glass in her lap.) 

Sarah M. — Oh, Mary Ann! 

(Mrs. M. again closes her eyes, this time for a long^ 
er period. Sarah Maud starts in scrubbing off the stains' 
vigorously.) 

Mrs. D. — offering her napkin) Never mind, dearie. 
Don't worry about it. 

Sarah Maud — But it's her best dress. 

Julia M. — (in a woebegone voice) Her very best, 
and was to do for all summer. 

Mrs. D. — We'll get her another. 



14^ Clarence Decides 

Clarence — (taking her empty glass and refilling it) 
Do have some more. (Mary A. hesitates.) Do, please 
take it. Don't be afraid. A body was never known to up- 
set two glasses at one sitting. 

Mary A. — (taking it) Thank you. 

Sarah M. — ^You're right. It will probably be my 
turn next. 

Mrs. M. — I think, Clarence, we'd better go now. 

Clarence — Oh, I say, mother, I want another cooky 
and some more milk. 

Mrs. M. — Then I fear I must leave you. 

Clarence — Oh, don't, mother; it would be so dreadful 
to walk home alone. 

Mrs. M. — Perhaps the young ladies will go with you 
as far as the garden gate. (She goes to French door.) 

Clarence — (foolishly) As far as the garden gate. 
Ha, ha ! Sounds like a song title. 

Mrs. D. — Run along, you ridiculous boy. 

(Clarence goes to his mother and they go off.) 

Clarence — (calling back) Ta-ta. 

(The girls murmur "good-bye.") 

Mary A. — Is she a very cross w^oman? 

Mrs. D. — No, my dear, she is a fool. 

Mary A. — Oh! 

Mrs. D. — Now, I want you all to stand up. I haven't 
had half a chance to get a look at you, my dears. (She^ 
rises and they stand tip beside her.) 

Mrs. D. — (playfully) Get in line. (They get in line 
laughing, and Mrs. D. surveys them from a little dis- 
tance.) Mary Ann is tallest, Sarah Maud next, then Ju- 
lia May. 

Sarah M. — Do you like us? 

Mrs. D. — Do 1 like you? You dears, I'm in love with 
you, already. 

Julia M. — But you're going to improve us? 



Clarence Decides 15 

Mrs. D. — Oh, dear, yes. 

Mary A. — I'm sure we need it. 

Mrs. D. — Did you want to come? 

Mary A. — Very much, but of course we were a little 
afraid — that is we knew you to be a very grand person. 

Julia M. — With a French maid. 

Sarah M. — And a garden of rare trees and flowers. 

Mrs. D. — (laughing delightedly) And you let that 
bother you. Fm ashamed. 

Mary A. — And that you entertained aristocratic peo- 
ple. 

Mrs. D.— Pooh! 

Julia M, — Was that Mrs. Moore very aristocratic? 

Mrs. D. — Oh, terribly, (anxiously) You haven't 
told me how you liked Clarence. 

Mary A. — (weakly) He was very nice. 

Mrs. D. — (ashamed of herself) Don't you think he 
has nice eyes? 

Sarah M. — (bluntly) But he hasn't any chin. 

Mrs. D. — (gaining enthusiasm) And nice hands? 

Julia M. — So white and fine. 

Mrs. D.— He is very rich. 

Julia M. — I thought so. Do-do you like him very 
much, Aunt Susan? 

Mrs. D. — Yes, indeed. I consider him an excellent 
catch for any girl. (Starts to door.) Come, let's go up 
to your rooms, now. 

(Girls follow her.) 

Sarah M. — Then he isn't married? 

Mrs. D. — (quickly) Oh, no, 

Sarah M. — Well, I'm not surprised. 

Mrs. D. — (at door; turns.) Not surprised! Why, 
dear? 

Sarah M. — (casually) Well, I couldn't imagine any- 
one wanting him. 

(They go off as the curtain falls.) 
CURTAIN 



16 Clarence Decides 



ACT II. 

(Three weeks later. Morning.) 

(Mary A., dressed becomingly in a garden frock and 
carrying a large shade hat on her wrist, sits on the win- 
dow seat at right, looking out on the garden. Presently, 
John Smith, the first gardener, appears at French door\ 
and stands, leaning against the frame of it.) 

Mary A. — (turning) Come in, please. There's no 
one about. Since Aunt Susan's been away visiting there's 
no early riser. 

First — But, what about you? 

Mary A. — Oh, I'm taking her place. I like to get up 
early in summer. The garden is loveliest then. 

First — (entering and taking a seat beside her) But 
you haven't been in the garden for days. You've desert- 
ed me. 

Mary A. — (with a sigh) I've had too much to do. 
Study, study, study, from early morning until late at 
night. 

Firsi— Study? 

Mary A. — Um-um. Of course I do enjoy it, and Aunt 
Susan is awfully kind to let me have such fine teachers, 
but really, I'd much rather be in the garden (smiling) 
with you. 

First — That's nice of you to say so. When do you 
finish your course? 

Mary A. — Oh, dear, I don't know. Never, I guess. 

First — What kind of studies are you taking up? 

Mary A. — Well, really, I don't know whether you'd 
call them studies. That is, well I'm learning how to en- 
ter a room gracefully, how to talk, and dance, and — flirt. 

First — (laughing) I see. They're making a society 
belle of you. 

Mary A. — (rising and walking to the piano) I don't 
like it a bit, but naturally I don't say anything, because I 



Clarence Decides 17 

need it, I know — the training, I mean. When you have 
been brought up on a farm with no advantages, you do 
get rather ordinary, I suppose. 

Fh'st — (rising arid following her to the piano) I 
never thought you were ordinary, and I saw you the first 
day you came. 

Mary A. — (laughing) Oh, I know I wasn't ordinary 
that day. I was the most ea;^raordinary being that ever 
walked these paths. 

First — You were beautiful, even then. 

Mary A. — Now you're trying to be nice. (Slyly.) 
Does that sound like the words of an experienced flirt? 

First — I don't know; but you're not going to be one 
of them — one of those foolish, empty-headed girls wko 
don't mean what they say and who don't know half 
they're saying. 

Mary A. — You seem to know a lot about those girls. 

First — I do, and I detest them. 

Mary A. — (earnestly) Tell me, please, who you are 
and what you're doing here. I know you're something 
more than a gardener. (He smiles.) You ought to tell 
me. 

First— Why 1 

Mary A. — Because I. ask you. You are more myste- 
rious than Lohengrin, whose story I've just been reading. 

First — Mystery is interesting. You wouldn't think 
about me half so much if you didn't think I was myste- 
rious. 

Mary A. — Wheyi are you going to tell me? 

First — Perhaps never. 

Mary A. — Now, you're horrid, because you know I'm 
curious. 

First — Only curious? 
Mary A. — (shyly) Well — no. 

First — It depends wholly on yourself whether I tell 
you. 



18 Clarence Decides 

Mary A. — But — but, don't you see my position here? 
Only yesterday I found out why Aunt Susan sent for us. 
She expects one of us to marry Clarence Moore. 

First — One of you — but. 

Mary A. — It all depends on Clarence. Whichever one 
he chooses must be his wife. 

First — Damn Clarence! 

Mary A. — Mister Smith! 

First — Well, he's no business mooning around here. 
WTiy doesn't he get an honest job? 

Mary A, — He's too rich. And please don't say things 
about the man who might be my future husband. 

First — Only to myself, then. I suppose I may do 
that. 

Mary A. — (smiling) But even that isn't very nice. 

(Sarah Maud and the third gardener appear at the 
French door. Sarah Maud is bewitchingly goivned in{ 
plaid gingham. Third's lingers are bandaged.) 

Sarah M. — Hulloa! P^or heavens sake, Mary Ann! 

(They exchange glances of surprise amd the tivo gar- 
deners scowl at each other.) 

Sarah M. — (to First) Oh, we've had the delightful!- 
est stroll through the garden, Mr. Smith has shown me 
every flower on the place, and he knows so much. 

First — I've seen no evidences of his knowledge. 

Sarah M. — Hear, hear, I won't have you saying 
things like that. 

Third — (to Mary Ann) For some reason, Miss Mary, 
he wants to get rid of me. 

Sarah M. — (in a dramatic voice) Jealousy! 

Third — And heaven knows I earn my pay. Up with 
the birdies and w^orking the long day through. Oh, well, 
well. 

Sarah M. — (coming down to the table,) I know what 
it is. He wants me to marry Clarence and get him out of 
the way and he thinks as long as you're here — 



Clarenc^ Decides 19 

Mary A. — Sarah Maud Lee! 

Sarah M. — Well, I don't care. 

Third — Mighty fine of her to be so honest I'll say. I've 
puzzled my head the last week to find out why it is he 
holds that grudge, I'll sleep better now. 

Sarah M. — (going back to the French door.) Poor 
Gar-gar! 

Mary A. — Gar-gar! 

Sai'ah M. — Yes, I call him that, now. Pet name for 
gardener. 

Mary A. — But, Sarah Maud, you oughtn't to be-^to 
be so familiar. You can't encourage other men as long 
as there's Clarenco. 

Sarah M.-^Fve no intention of marrying Clarence; 
not if he were the last man on earth. He's a prune; so 
there — and if Aunt Susan thinks — 

Mary A. — You'll do as Aunt Susan says, dearie, and 
if Clarence Moore chooses you for his future wife, you it 
must be. 

Sarah M. — Ah! But I'll see that he doesn't choose 
me. (Mincing to front of rdage.) At what hour does 
Milord Clarence arise? (The others laugh.) Noon, me- 
thinks. (She goes hack to Third. They talk.) 

First — (to Mary A.) She's been reading legends, 
too. 

Mary A, — Yes, I believe it's considered, part of a 
good education. 

First — {seriously) I believe it is. 

Mary A. — (coming doicn to table) You haven't 
shown me the garden. 

First — (following her) You haven't given me the 
chance. You don't dare take the risks of being vseen the 
way your sister does. 

Mary A. — Sarah Maud dares anything, but — but of 
course it would be bad if they discovered we were friends. 

First — And such good friends! We are, aren't we? 

Mary A --(A bit nnwillinghj) Yes, I suppose we are. 



20 Clarenc(f Decides 

First — And we can't help it, can we? 

Mary A. — No, I suppose we can-t — now. It's rather 
late to try to, but I don't know what Aunt Susan would 
say. 

First — I'm sorry if Aunt Susan doesn't love me. 

Mary A. — You mustn't joke about it. It's — it's 
tragic, (Quickly.) Come, let's go out and look at some 
of the flowers. (She goes to French door.) 

First — We'll begin with the pansy bed. I've a jolly 
variety to show you that will take a long time. 

Sarah M. — Where are you going? 

Mary A — Let us out. I'm to have a lesson in pansy 
raising. 

(Sarah M. and Third go over to piano, Sarah M. 
perching on the seat.) 

Sarah M. — Throw a pansy in Clarence's window for 
me, will you? One with a saucy face. (Mary A. and 
First go off by French door.) (To Third.) I'd play you 
a piece if I dared, one I used to play on the melodeon at 
home. 

Third — (looking at her luith adoring eyes) Oh, I 
say, please ! 

Sara/?. M. — I'm afraid it will wake his lordship. 

Third — You're always thinking of him. 

Sarah M. — Jealous! (he grins.) (During the fol- 
lowing conversation she plays a soft, gay little accompan- 
iment.) 

Sarah M. — (looking at him with smiling but search- 
ing eyes) Do you know I think you're delightfully mys- 
terious, as mysterious as — as — oh, you know, what wa^s 
that knight's name who wouldn't tell his lady love who he 
was. 

Third — (ivith sudden inspiration) Sir Galahad. 

Sarah M. — Yes, Sir Galahad Aren't you clever! 
You're just like him, in fact I think he must have looked 
like you. 

Third— Thanks. 



Clarence Decides 21 

Sarah M. — Now, you can't say I'm not nice to you. 
You've been looking like a pepper box the whole morning 
just because I happened to mention Clarence once or 
twice. 

Third — Sarah Maud, I'm sick of my job, beastly sick 
of it. I've been at it now for three weeks and I'm sick of 
it. 

Sarah M. — Poor 'ittle boy. Does he scratch his han- 
nies in the dirty ground? (She stops playing.) But, 
there, he has me to tie them up. (Smiles at him bewitch- 
inghj.) 

Third — Sarah Maud, I wish you'd marry me. I'm 
a/Wfully in love with you. 

Sarah Maud — (rising) I would, but Mary Ann 
would never let me. 

Third — Hang Mary Ann! 

Sarah M. — This business of Clarence has got to be 
settled first. He might, Gar-gar dear, choose me. You 
did. 

Third — (coming doivn to table) If he does — 

Sarah M. — (covering her ears) Don't say it. Gar- 
gar. Don't say the dreadful words. 

Third — Let's elope. Say, I tell you. I'll quit today, 
go into town, get some decent clothes, come back here and 
meet you tonight' by the gate — 

Sarah M. — (pacing back and forth) Oh, don't don't, 
Gar-gar, you tempt me. It is too alluring. Besides, 
there's a full moon tonight. 

Third — (savagely) Hang the moon! 

'Sarah M. — (stopping by the table) It — it wouldn't 
be fair to Aunt Susan especially while she's away visit- 
ing. 

Third — Hang Aunt Susan! 

Sarah M. — Gar-gar, dear, really you ought to have 
been an interior decorator. You've a passion fOf hanging 
things. 

Third — I'd like to hang everyone but you and me. 



22 Clarence Decides 

Sarah M, — You expect me to do just as you want, 
but you won't even tell me who you are, and I know 
you're somebody interesting. 

Third — Wish I was. Then maybe you'd love me. 

Sarah M. — But I do love you, Gar-gar. 

Third — Then, marry me. 
^ Sarah M. — Have you forgotten Clarence? (She goes 
bach to piano seat.) 

Third — Hang — you can get rid of Clarence. 

Sarah M. — I know it; and I intend to, but I've got to 
get rid of him first, before I can marrj- you. (Soft play- 
ing.) 

Third — Rats! I don't see why. 

Sarah M. — Don't be so tragic, Gar-gar. It doesn't 
become your tyi>e of face. 

Third — (walking to hack of stage.) You're making 
fun of me. Everyone makes fun of me. 

Sarah M. — There, there, it is a shame, yes it is. (She 
starts toward him, just as Julia May and the second gar- 
dener appear at the French door.) 

Sarah M. — (taken hack to say the least) Well, of all 
things! (Third turns.) 

Second — (to Third) Smith, I told you to put the 
loam around the rose bushes. What are you doing here? 
(He enters, Julia M. close behind him.) 

Third — The same thing as you are, I reckon. 

Sarah M. — (putting an arm through Third's) Let's go 
out. Gar-gar, and I'll help you. (She sweeps past Second 
with a haughty glance, pulling Third along with her and 
they go out by French door.) 

Julia M. — (in an awe-struck voice) She called him 
Gar-gar ! 

Secon d — ( 8 m il ing ) Yes ? 

Julia — But that's a pet name. 

Second— Ytsl 



Clarence Decides 23 

Julia M. — And she's only known him for three 
weeks, two weeks, really, for we haven't been in the gar- 
den this last week. 

Second — It isn't always how long you've known a 
person; it's how much you've seen of him. 

Julia M. — (coming down to chair by the table and 
perching on the arm} I've seen rather much of you, 
haven't I? 

Second — Yes. (He is much amused at her,) 

Jtdia — And I'm likely to see a lot more of you. 

Second — (coming to back of her chair) I hope so. 

Julia M. — ( vith some disgust) But there — there's 
Clarence ! 

Second — (mournfully) There's always Clarence. 

Julia M. — Yes, there's always Clarence. Poor Clar- 
ence. 

Second — Don't tell me-you pity him. 

Julia M. — I can't help it. (Second groans.) 

Second — I suppose the next thing you do is marry 
him out of pity. 

Julia M. — No, I won't, and besides, he might not 
choose me. I don't think he will, for really I'm not half 
as attractive as my sisters, do you think so? 

Second — That's a nice question to ask a prejudiced 
man. 

Jidia M. — Why, my nose is pug and Mary Ann has Su 
beautiful nose and my eyes are green and Sarah Maud 
has divine eyes, an artist who came to Freeport wanted 
to paint her picture. Oh, I know I'm plain and I'm afraid 
it doesn't bother me as much as it ought. Mary Ann 
says it doesn't and she tries to comb my hair to give me 
a more dignified look but you can't give a dignified look 
to a person who hasn't already one, do you think you can? 

Second — (smiling) No. I'm afraid you can't. 

Jidia M. — Do you think it's better for a girl to be 
beautiful than to be wise? 



2If Clarence Decides 

Second — I'm afraid I don't. You see, it's this way. 
Beauty fades, but wisdom increases with years. 

Julia M. — Oh, you are comforting, and it's so nice to 
have someone to encourage you. Sometimes when I look 
in a mirror I do get down-hearted, but hereafter I shall 
say to myself, **Juiia May Lee, improve your mind, if you 
would be attractive," and it's going to be easy to do for 
I love to study. 

Second — Have you read all the books I gave you ? 

Julio. M. — Every one. 

Second — Then you shall have the rest. 

Julia M. — Some parts of them were hard for me to 
understand, but I marked the difficult passages and you 
will tell me. (With genuine admiration.) You're so 
wonderful. 

Second — (imth a boiv) Thank you, mademoiselle. 
That is the best compliment I. ever received. 

J2ilia M. — You're so different from the farmers I 
have known that I can't help thinking about you. 

Secofid — I'm glad you do. 

Julia M, — Fve thought all sorts of things about you 
— nice things. 

Second — Thank you. 

Julia M. — You're the most interesting person I ever 
met. I used to imagine a man like you, but I never 
thought I should ever meet one really. I'm quite sure you 
must be a writer or a poet or — 

Second — Don't. 

Julia M. — Wouldn't you like to be one? I would. In 
fact that's what I'm thinking of becoming one of these 
days. I'd love to write about things and people and have 
whole families and villages living in my brain. I've writ- 
ten a story since I c^me here. 

Second — Will you tell it to me? I love stories. 

Julia — Yes, if you like. It's about a young man who 
has great ability and is very brilliant and whose parents 
will not let him do what he wants, so he runs away and 



CUirence Decides 25 

gets a job for himself to earn money to let him study and 
become the man he would want to be. 

Second — What sort of a job does he get? 

Julia M. — Well, he loves flowers, so he hires himself 
as gardener to a rich old lady. 

Second — That's interesting. 

Julia May — But wait. The rich old lady has a beau- 
tiful companion, a young girl, who is an orphan. She, 
too, has a great ambition but the old lady is very exact- 
ing, and demands so much of her that she has little time 
to devote to her studies that she loves. One day she meets 
the gardener, and somehow — I don't know just how, she 
begins telling? him about herself and he promises to help 
her, oh, in lots of ways — (She stops suddenly.) 

Second — Go on. You have stopped at the most in- 
teresting place. 

Jidia M, — She — she falls in love with him and (she 
covers her face with her hands) Oh, dear, that's all. 

Second — (taking down her , hands) Doesn't he fall 
in love with her? Doesn't he? 

Julia M, — I — I don't know. I — 1 haven't decided, yet. 

Second — Oh, but he ought to, you know. 

Julia M. — Yes, I know he ought to. (Sarah M., fol- 
lowed by Third, comes in suddenly by French door. Close 
behind, Mary A. and First.) 

Sarah M. — Whew! (She comes down to table and 
gives a suspicious glance at Julia M., ivho gets downi 
fro in the chair arm quickly.) Come here, Gar-gar, and 
let me tighten the bandage on your little finger. (Third 
obeys and she ties the bandage.) 

Mary A. — Poor fellow, he's all cut up. (She sits on 
window seat at right, First standing beside her.) 

First— (laughing) Too bad, Smith, but console your- 
self. Sweet peas don't have thorns. 

Second — (to Mary A.) You've been over the garden? 

Mary A. — Just this end of it. 



26^ ' ~ Clarence Decide^ 

Second — (turnmg to Julia M.' Permit me, made- 
moiselle, to take 5^ou over the grounds some day soon. 

Julia M. — Oh, Fd love to! Let's see. What hours 
have I free? English at nine, French at ten, etiquette 
at eleven, dancing at twelve — 

Sarah M. — (ivith finality) Lunch! 

Julia M, — (going on glibly) Literature at one, pi- 
ano at two, voice culture at three, philoHiphy at four. 

Sarah M, — Dinner. 

Second — (to Julia M.J Poor child! 

Mary A. — You might get up at six. 

Jtdia M. — (to second) Would it take more than 
three hours to go over the garden? 

Second — It might. It all depends on how fast we 
move. 

Julia M.—Oh ! 

Third — Why not take the dog-cart; and race around? 
That would get you back for breakfast. 

Sarah M. — Impudence! 

Julia M. — (slowly) I think Ftl decide to go tomor- 
row. 

Mary A. — You'd better. Aunt Susan will be back 
day after. 

Julia M. — (ivith a sigh) Of course it wouldn't do to 
be caught walking with you. Yes, I'll go tomorrow, that 
is if it's all right for you. 

Second — I'll make it all right. Thank you made- 
moiselle. 

Sarah M. — Oh, you know French, too. I will say I 
never heard of such tmitsual gardeners. (She goes to pi- 
ano seat and sits. Exchayige glances.) 

Mary A. — (suddenly) Hush, a door closed some- 
where upstairs. 

Sarah M. — His lordship has risen. 

Jidia M. — Oh dear, you'll have to go. 



Clarence Decides 27 

First — We intend to. Fall in line, boys. (They fall 
in line one behind the other.) Mark time! One, two, 
(They mark time.) Foi^^ard— MARCH ! 

(They file out by the French door in perfect step,) 

Sarah M. — (nmni^ig to the unndotv at left) Aren't 
they a scream? ' 

Julia M. — (sitting on the ivindow seat at left) D'o 
you know — I think we are like tho«e fairy princesses of 
old who entertained their lovers secretly. I ased to im- 
agine myself one at Freeport, but I never thought I 
should be so like one. 

Mary A.— Who do you suppose they a/re? 

Julia M. — Let's not try to find out. It's more inter- 
esting. 

Sarah M. — I love Gar-gar just as he is, but oh, dear, 
he's awfully helpless. I don't believe he ever did a stroke 
of work in his life, and he makes an awful fuss about his 
quarters in the garage. 

Julia M. — Very likely he is the son of a millionaire, 
and accustomed to a grand suite of rooms. 

Mary A. — John has said some very queer things, too, 
as if he were used to a very different sort of life. 

Julia M. — I'm sure my John — 

Sarah M. — Your John — 

Julia M. — Well, I had to distinguish somehow, didn't 
I ? Besides, he asked me to call him John, 

Sarah M. — He did ! W^ell, I didn't know he had it in 
him. 

Julia M. — I'm sure he is a writer of some kind. He 
talks so beautifully and has such an imagination. I think 
he's wonderful. 

Sarah M. — Well, at any rate, he's better than Clar- 
ence. 

Mary A. — Oh, dear! Isn't the suspense awful? 

Sarah M. — Suspense? 

Mary A. — Yes, about Clarence deciding. 



28 Clarence Decides 

Julia M. — (with conviction) I don't think there's 
any suspense. I think Clarence's choice has been made. 

Sarah M. — ^You don't ! 

Julia M, — Um-um. I think he's going to choose you. 

Sarah M. — ME ! (She falls back onto the unndow 
seat.) 

Julia M. — (calmly) He regards you with love in his 
eye. 

Sarah M. — (sitting up) Oh, Lord! -v ?>^> 

Mary A, — I don't know about that. He told me Jti- 
lia May's sweet innocence got him. 

Julia i¥. — But it won't get mamrna. She wants beau- 
ty. No, it's Sarah Maud, I'm sure. 

Sarah M. — (corning doiv7i to piano) But it won't be 
for long, believe me. (Whistle without.) 

fylary A. — Sh! He's coming. 

Sarah M. — (making dart for door at left) Tra-la! 
I'm off. (She goes out at left just as Clarence, immacvr^ 
lately and appropriately dressed, saunters in at right.) 

Clarence — (bowing) Ah, good morning. I say, how 
are you for a stroll? It's only eight-thirty and a half- 
hour to spare. (He looks about the room.) I say, where's 
Sarah Maud? 

Julia M. — (comiyig down to table) She's gone up- 
stairs to prepare her French. (Slyly) Won't we do? 

Clarence — Oh, most certainly. I was just wonder- 
ing, that*s all. 

Mary A. — She always forgets it until the last min- 
ute, and we had a terribly difficult lesson. (Enter Mrs. 
M. at right.) 

Mrs. M. — Oh, here you are. (To Mary A. and Julia 
M.) My roses! 

Clarencei — (gloomily) And your thorn. 

Mrs. M. — Now, Clarence, you know better. 

Clarence — Now, mother, you know I'm a thorn in 
your side. 



Clarence Decides 29 

Mrs, M, — (to girls) Isn't he a tease. I wish you'd 
take him in hand. You can see I've failed miserably. 
(Clarence goes to pianG and begins to drum.) He treats 
me with no respect whatever. 

Clarence — I say, someone's got to take a walk with 
me. (Drumming.) Eeny — meeny — 

Mrs. M. — rClarence! 

Julia M, — (impishly) Perhaps your mother will. 

Clarence — I say, you're mean. 

Jidia M, — I say, you're rude! 

Mary A. — Why don't you walk with yourself? Then 
you'll be sure of excellent company. (She goes to door at 
left, laughing.) (To Mrs. M.) Really, you must excuse 
us. We have French next. 

Clarence — And you won't — 

Julia M: — (following Mary A.) And we can't go a- 
walking with you. 

Clarence — (with contempt) French! What do you 
want to study French for? 

Julia M. — Well, there are always plenty of French 
counts round about looking for eligible wives, and, well, 
it would be bad if we didn't understand when they were 
proposing. Au revoir. (They go off at left.) 

Mrs. M. — (going over to Clarence) Clarence, I'm 
disgusted with you. 

Clarence — That's right. Blame me. It's not so easy. 

Mrs. M. — What's not so easy? 

Clarence — Getting a wife. 

Mrs. M. — (with sarcas7n) No, I suppose not — with 
three beautiful girls to choose from. Most men in a like 
position would have been married by now. Clarence, why 
don't you make up your mind? 

Clarence — (sulkily) How do you know but what I 
have? 

Mrs. M. — Well, I'm waiting. 

Clarence — Waiting? 



30 Clarence Decides 

Mrs. M. — To hear what you've decided. Which is the 
fortunate one? 

Clarence — Sarah Maud. 

Mrs. M. — Sarah Maud 

Clarence — There, I suppose so. Something's wrong 
with the choice. 

Mrs. M. — Not at all, my son. On the whole, I like 
her immensely. But have you let her know? 

Clarences — Not yet. 

Mrs. M. — (ivith more sarcasm) What's the delay 
for? If I were you I'd be about it. She's pretty, clever 
and very entertaining. 

Clarence — She's that all right. She keeps you guess- 
ing too. 

Mrs. M. — I really think that of the three she is the 
prettiest. Her hair is lovely, just enough of a wave and 
does up so well. 

Clarence — It's an unusual color, too; those Titian 
lights. 

Mrs. M. — Ah, yes, those Titian lights. 

(Sarah M., pretending she thinks nobody is in the 
room, steals on at left. She wears an ugly straw-colored 
wig of short hair. A piece of black court plaster covers 
one front tooth. Mrs. M. sees her and gasps. Sarah M. 
pretends she has tried to escape, then stops and confronts 
them.) 

Clarence — My god! Is — is — is it Sarah Maud? 

Sarah M. — (feigning embarrassntient) Yes, it's me. 
(With a sigh.) I didn't know anyone was in the room, 
and I stole down to get my belt I left on the davenport. I 
thought I wouldn't meet anyone and I took the risk. I'm 
sorry. I know I'm a sight and I never meant anyone to 
know I really looked like this. 

Mrs. M. — But your hair! 

Sarah M. — Oh, I'm sorry to disillusion you, Clarence 
but I suppose the truth will out and you might as well 
know first as last. That's a wig I've been wearing. This 
is my real hair — yellow and straight and ugly. 



Clarence Decides 31 

Clarence — This is cruel, Sarah Maud. 

Sarah M. — Isn't it! 

Mrs. M. — ^This is preposterous. Does your Aunt Su- 
san know — of these falsities? 

Sarah M. — No, and I haven't had the heart to tell 
her. Aunt Susan worships beauty. 

Mrs. M. — And, do you realize what you are doing? 

Sarah M. — I hope so. 

Mrs. M. — You are deliberately deceiving people. 

Sarah M. — (almost in tears) You won't tell Aunt 
Susan? 

Mrs. M. — I think she ought to be told. 

Clarence — It would be saving her from the worst 
shock of her life. 

Sarah M. — I think you're rather hard on me. When 
one has two beautiful sisters, one naturally wants to be 
beautiful, and I got tired of hearing Mary Ann's and Ju- 
lia May's praises being sung so — so I thought I — I 
would try to be beautiful like them. 

Mrs. M. — Which was morally wrong and the worst 
form of deceit. However, I'm glad you are found out, as 
far as my son and myself are concerned. Of course you 
understand any prospects you may have had to matri- 
mony, that is as far as my son is concerned, are of no ac- 
count. 

Sarah M.— (humbly) I understand. I know I'm not 
much on looks when you take me unawares. (Exit left} 

Mrs. M. — Clarence! 
Clarence — Ye gods! 

(A ripple of laughter off stage at left, then another, 
more smothered.) 

Mrs. M,— Hush! (They listen. More smothered 
laughter. ) Clarence, they are making a fool of you. That 
girl did that in fun. 

Clarence^Oh, lord! not if I know girls. There was 
nothing funny about that. 



32 Clarence Decides 

Mrs. M. — Clarence, listen to me. Those girls are dis- 
gusted with you. This affair has proven it. Sarah Maud is 
in love with you, of course. 

Clarence — In love with me. 

Mrs. M. — This last act has proven it. Yes, I am sure 
she is in love with you. 

(Enter Mary A. and Julia M. at right.) 

Mary A. — No English this morning. Miss Bidger- 
ton is sick. 

Mrs. M. — Oh! (With great sympathy.) But then you 
€an find time for other tihngs. 

Clarence — For a walk with me for instance. 

Mrs. M. — Clarence, 1 thought you had something 
special to do this morning. 

Clarence — (stupidly) Something special? 

Mrs. M. — (getting angry) If you don't recall it, 
you'd better follow me and I'll tell you. (She sta/rts off 
at left.) Come. 

Clarence — But, I say, mother. Can't you tell me a 
little later? 

Mrs. M. — No, I cant. Come. (She goes ojf at left and 
he follows, crestfallen.) 

Julia M. — Of all things. What has got into Mrs. 
Dixby Moore? I suppose she's after Sarah Maud. Poor 
Sarah Maud I I'm glad I'm not pretty. 

Mary A. — Oh, dear! He's probably going to pro- 
pose to her first. Well, at any rate, that gives us a little 
leeway. (She sits on loindoiv seat at left.) 

Julia M. — No, it doesn't. Leave it to Sarah Maud. 
She'll evade him somehow. I wonder which of us two he 
prefers. Oh, what a life! 

(Enter Sarah M. She has removed her frightful 
ivig and looks very charming.) 

Sarah M. — (running up to Mary A. and flopping 
down beside her.) Oh, my senses ! . 
Mary A. — What is it? 



Clarence Decides S3 

Sarah M. — Clarence still loves me. I met him just 
now and he begged me to go for a stroll with him in the 
garden. I know he's got some poetic idea about propos- 
ing in a rose garden, and I shall die. 

Julia M. — Poor Sarah Maud ! (Goes to her and pats 
her cheek.) 

Sarah M. — Do you know the gardeners hate him? 
Mary A. — Yes, I do. 

Julia M. — Aunt Susan left them in his charge and he 
has set them to work as far from the house as possible. 
Sarah M. — You don't suppose he suspects something? 
Julia M. — No, he's too stupid. 

Mary A. — I'm afraid they'll make trouble for Clar- 
ence. Last night I walked by the kitchen window, and I 
heard them laughing and talking in low voices as if some- 
thing was afoot. And I distinctly heard the name Clar- 
ence tuhispered. 

Julia M. — Oh, heavens ! If they should do anything 
annoying. What vv'ould Aunt Susan say? 

Mary A. — Of course we owe everything to Aunt Su- 
san, and we ought — 

Sarah M. — Now end by saying— "marry Clarence 
to please her." Well, I won't, and you wouldn't either. 

Mary A. — Oh, yes, I would, but (half weeping) I — I 
don't love him. 

Sarah M. — (coming down to table) I love Gar-gar, 
and only Gar-gar. 

Mary A, — Sometimes I can't help thinking how little 
we know of these men. 

Julia M. — They might be criminals. 
Mary A. — Or worse! 

(Lizette runs on from left and stops in front of Ma- 
ry A. and Julia M., gesticidating wildly.) 
Lizette — Mon dieu, mon dieu! 
Mary A. — Lizette! 
(Sarah M. rushes up to group.) 



SJlf Clarence Decidos 

Lizette — (half weeping ) Mon dieu, mon dieu! Th© 
silver is g-one. (Draws in her breath and lets it out in one 
last shriek.) And the gardeners, too! (Covers her face 
ivith her apron.) 

Mary A. — (shaking her) Lizette! Stop it! 

Lizette — They have gone — ^the wretches. (Wildly.) 
Catch them! Catch them! Madam's silver! I just saw 
the last one, the fat one, running- out at the gate. (She 
runs off and. Julia M. and Mary A. folloiv.) 

Sarah M. — My Gar-gar! f Flops on ivindaw seat.}, 
CURTAIN 



ACT III. 

(Evening of the next day. Same .scene. Lights on.) 
(At the rise of the curtains, the girls, dressed in 

semi-evening gowms, are grouped about the piano. Sarah 

M. is seated on the piano stool.) 

Mary A. — I can't fathom it, I can't. I never shalK 
It didn't seem like them. (Wipes her eyes.) 

Julia M. — ^They were so refined. But I have heard of 
refined burglars before. 

Sarah M. — (wailing) The sad part is, I still love 
Gar-gar. I do, I do. 

Mary A. — And I love John! Oh, oh, I shall never for- 
get him. I — I've pictured him in prison and still I love 
him. 

JuUu M. — And my John. 1 don't dare picture him in 
prison, for I should love him all the more. His eyes 
would be so pathetic behind the bars. (They sob silently 
a moment.) 

Sarah M. — He — he said he loved me — Gar-gar did! 

Julia M. — (drying her eyes) John never said so ex- 
actly, but he lookea it a thousand times a day and I know 
he would have said so, if I had given him half a chance. 



Clarence Decides $$ 

Mary .4.— Oh, why hadn't you? But, then, what 
good would it have done now? 

Sarah Maud—At least she could have died a spin- 
ster. As for me,. I shall never love again. 

Mary A.— You forget Clarence. 

Sarah M.— (crossly) For heaven's sake, let me I 
consider it a blessing that I can. 

Julia M.—l was so happy. He— he was mv Lohen- 
grin and now he has gone away. Mary Ann, don't you 
suppose they really loved us ? 

Mary A, — It did seem so, didn't it? 

Julia 3/.— Think of being loved bv burglars. (Fresh 
sobs,) 

Sarah M. — And the wretches didn't leave one single 
spoon. Oh, Gar-gar, how could you? (She plays a dull, 
soft little, tune absently.) 

Julia M.— Is it wicked to love a burglar? 

Sarah M.— (waxing sentimental) The Bible says you 
should love them and help them. 

Julia M.—lf only we could find them, 

Mary A.— Perhaps they're hiding in some dismal 
swamp without a bite of food. 

JuUa 3/.— What a shame when they've all those 
knives and forks and spoons to eat it with. 

Mary A.--(bravely) Come, let's forget them. 

Sarah M.—l c-can't. Gar-gar's face is ever before 
me. 

Mary A.~But we must be sensible. Don't you think 
I loved John as well as you loved yours, but what's the 
use? He's gone and he couldn't have cared much for ine 
to go. That's the way I look at it. 

Sarah M.—Of course. The miserable reprobate. 

Mary .4.— He isn't a bit worse than your Gar-gar, 
and you needn't call him names. 

Julia ilf.— Well, it's this way, as Mary Ann says. 
They don't love us and so why should we love them? 
What's our philosophy to teach us but this? 



36 Clarence Decides 

Sarah M. — You're right, Julia May. I shall make 
myself hate Gar-gar for a base deciever and a thief. 

Mary A. — And think how kind Aunt Susan was to 
them. 

^ Sarah M. — They didn't know much either about gar- 
dens. I mean — why, now when I think of it, twice I res- 
cued the pet rose tree from Gar-gar. Think of the nerve 
of him, hiring himself out as a gardener, when really he 
intended to burgle. (She tucks her handkerchief in her 
belt with determination.) I've wasted tears enough on 
such a one. 

Mary A. — (following suit) The awful creatures! 

Julia MoA^ — So ungrateful ! 

(Enter Aunt Susan at right, carrying a note in her 
hand.) 

Mrs. D. — (waving note loildly) Oh, girls, girls! 
(She flops into a chair and bu7'sts out laughing. The girls 
cluster about her.) 

Sarah .¥.— What is it? 

Mrs. D. — (gasping) It — it is too preposterous! Read 
— read ! 

(Mary A. takes the note and reads.) 

Mary A. — "Dear Lady: — We are leaving — all three 
of us. We could not be bossed by Clarence. Moreover, we 
do not trust him, and so we have hid the silver in a hole 
underneath the biggest rose tree. Most respectfully, 
The Three Gardeners." 

Sarah M. — (dancing about) I knew it. I knew it. 
My Gar-gar never could be a thief. 

Mary A. — (looking at Mrs. D.) Hush! You ridicu- 
lous child. 

Mrs. D.— What? Your what? 

Sarah M. — My Gar-gar. 

Mrs. D. — (looking to the girls for help) Your Gar- 
gar. 

Sarah M. — Oh, I'm so happy, so happy, so happy ! 



Clarence Decides ST 

Mrs, D, — (trying to catch her) Sarah Maud, explain 
yourself. 

Sarah M. — (sobering) You see, it's this way I 
struck up an acquaintance with one of the gardeners one 
day, and — (appealingly, half hoping Mrs. D, will relent) 
we got to know each other rather well. 

Mrs. Z?.— Sarah Maud Lee! (Pause.) Well, if that's 
what's been going on, I*m glad they've gone, and they 
have — forever — so let's get down to sense — and Clar- 
ence. 

Sarah Maud — You — you don't mean you've changed 
your mind about Clarence? 

Mrs. D. — Changed my mind about Clarence? 

Sarah M. — (with some hope) That is, about our 
marrying him. 

Mrs. Lk — It is just that that I want to make clear to 
you. Of course Fm taking it for granted he hasn't asked 
any one of you yet. (Girls shake a denial.) I had hoped 
that on my return something would be settled. 

Sarah M. — (with a great sigh) Oh, dear! 

Mrs. D. — And so I have decided to take matters in 
my own hands. 

Jvlia M. — (fearfully) Aunt Susan? 

Mrs. D. — Yes. 

Julia M. — Would — would you want any one of us to 
marry Clarence if — if she didn't love him? 

Mrs. D. — Oftentimes, my dear, girls don't know what 
is good for them. The one who marries Clarence will 
make an excellent match financially and socially. (Smil- 
ing.) And you know what promises I've made your papa, 
dears. Why the best man in the world is none too good 
for you. He must have money or social position or 
brains, or all three if possible, but one at least. Clarence 
has two. There, I hope I've made it clear. (Taking Sa- 
rah Maud's ha7id.) Come, Sarah Maud, let's go out and 
dig up the silver. We'll want it to celebrate the engage- 
ment. (She leads Sarah M. off by the French door.) 



38 Clarence Decides 

Julia M. — (singing) They are not thieves! They 
are not thieves ! 

Mary A. — (falling in her sisters arms) Oh, Julia 
May, there is hope. 

Julia M. — (suddenly) No, no, there isn't any hope, 
after all. They have g-gone, gone out of our lives for- 
ever. 

Mary A. — (gazing off into space) I can't believe that. 
Do you know what I think? 

Julia M. — (peering close into her face) What do you 
think? 

Mary A. — That they will come back. 

Julia M, — Oh! I would elope now. Just one word 
from John. If only it comes before Clarence decides. 

Mary A. — (coming down to table ) It must. It's got 
to. 

Julia M. — (sitting on ivindoio seat at left) No, I 
feel as if terrible things were to happen tonight. 

Mary A. — (turning) What do you mean? 

Julia M. — Portent things. Ominous things. I feel 
there is a trap laid. I feel — I feel at last that Clarence 
means — 

Mary A. — Oh, don't! You are morbid. 

Julia M. — (her head in her hands) Oh, John, why 
don't you come and rescue me before it is too late. 

Mary A. —If Clarence proposes, we must accept. 

Julia M. — We are like those poor princesses shut up 
in the tower of Clarence's indecision! 

(Sarah M. carrying a note eyiters softly by French 
door.) 

Sarah M. — Girls ! (they turn) I've a note. 

Mary A. — A note! Good heavens! The place is 
full of them. (They run to hen\) 

Sarah M. — It's from them — the three gardeners. 

Mary A.— What! 

Julia M. — No! 



Clarence Decides 39 

Sarah M.— Hush ! They want us to meet them to- 
night. 

Julia M. — Tonight? 

Sarah iW.— Tonight, at ten, and to elope with them 
They will have machines. Oh, my Gar-gar! (She. tosses 
the note onto the davenport.) 

Julia M.—{stupified) It's — it's too thrilling. 
Sarah M.— They say they will reveal their identities. 

Mary A.— Oh, but Clarence! 

Sarah M.—If you say that name again, I shall die. 

Julia M.— (hysterically) Listen. We haven't refused 
him, not one of us, and that's all we promised Aunt Susan. 

Sarah M. — (starting for door at right) As for me, 
I'm going, that's all. I love Gar-gar and no one else and 
Vm going to pack my suit case right now. 

Julia M.— (following her) I— I think I'll go, too. 

Sarah M.— (reaching out a hand to her) Come on, 
then. There's no time to lose. 

Mary A.— Oh, what shall I do? 

Sarah M, — Stay on here and marry Clarence, and 
heaven help you. 

Julia M.— (reaching a hand to her) Come, Mary 
Ann. 

Sarah M.— (dramatically) Is it John or is it Clar- 
ence? 

Mary A. — (taking a few steps toward them) It's 
John ! (They catch her hand.) 

Sarah M. — Come on then. 

(They go off at right, just as Clarence and his moth- 
er enter at left.) 

Mrs, M, — (urlth great determination) I have made 
up my mind. 

Clarence — (who well knows what that means) Yes? 
Mrs. M. — And you are not to leave this room until 
you have proposed to Sarah Maud or one of the girls. 
Clarence—But, mother— 



40 Clarence Decides 

Mrs. M. — (turning on him) There are no buts. You 
have heard me. It is now eight o'clock. I will see you at 
ten, and you will tell me which one it is to be. 

Clarence — (slumping into chair by table) Yes, 
mother. 

Mrs. M. — (standing over him) Remember, you are 
not to cross this threshold until — 

Clarence — Suppose they don't choose to come do\'im 
tonight. 

Mrs. M. — They will come down. Mrs. Davenport and I 
have fixed that. It is up to you. (She starts toward 
door at left.) 

Clarence — Heavens, mother, you are using slang! 

Mrs. M. — (from door) I'll use something worse 
young man, if you don't do as I say. (Exit.) 

(Clarence gives a loio tvhistle, lights a cigarette, and 
goes to davenport and sits. He does not see the note. A 
second later, Sarah Maud steals on from left, not seeing- 
Clarence, and tip-toes to davenport, reaches around to 
find the note, and is caught by Clarence in a firm grip.) 

Sarah M. — Oh, my soul ! 

Clarence — (chuckling) Caught you this time, by 
Jove. (By the tourist he pulls Sarah M. around in front 
of him.) So, it's you, is it? 

Sarah M. — (meek and discouraged) Yes, it's me. 
But please let go my wrist. 

Clarence — Not unless you promise not to run away. 
Do you? 

Sarah M. — Oh, yes, I promise. 

Clarence — (releasing her) Very well. 

Sarah M. — (pouting) I don't think you're much of 
a gentleman. 

Clarence — Don't you? That's too bad. 

Sarah M. — (walking around to the table) No gen- 
tleman would act as you did just now. 

Clarence — No lady would act as you did the other 
day. 



Clarence Decides j^i 

Sarah M.— Oh, I don't know. (She goes to piano and 
begins to play very lotid.) 

Clarence— (rising and going to piano) I say, that's 
mean of you. 

Sarah M,—l know I'm mean, but I'm honest, 
Clarence— I say, what are you inferring now 9 
Please, Sarah Maud, be nice. 

Sarah M.—(thmnpingJ Fm being as nice as I know 
how. 

Clarence— (shouting) But, I want to talk to you. 
(Each time he speaks she uses the loiod pedal freely.) 
Sarah M.—But I'm a much better pianist than I am 
conversationalist. 

Clarence— (shotiting J I say, I didn't ask you to 
play for me. 

Sarah M. — Didn't you? 

(He walks over to her and takes her hands from the 
keys.) 

Clarence — ^You've got to entertain me. 
Sarah M. — (rising and walking to other end of the 
room.) I should think you were a sultan. 

Clarence— (grandly) I am for tonight, and you are 
my favorite wife. 

Sarah M. — Don't be foolish. 

Clarence— (hurt) There; that's the way you talk. 
Sarah M.—l can't help the way I talk. If I could, 
rd improve it. 

Clarence — You know I don't mean that. 

Sarah M. — (snapping) How should I know what 
you mean? 

Clarence — Sarah Maud, you're cruel 

Sarah M. — (taking delight in her next remark) I 
know it. I like to be. I like to hurt things. I always 
did. I used to pull the wings off flies, the legs off beetles, 
and— 

Clarence — (in aynazement) I say, I don't believe it. 



Jf2 Clarence Decides 

Sarah M. — And the whiskers off the cat. 

Clarence — (cooing) But you wouldn't be cruel to 
me. (She gives Mm one, long, meaning glance) I say^ 
would you, now? 

Sarah M. — (sweetly and smiling) I shouldn't mean 
to be, of course, but I couldn't promise anything. 

Clarefnce — (drawing nearer) That's the way I like 
to have you talk, 

Sarah M. — (stiffening) But it's not my real self. 
I'll tell you something if you won't tell. 

Clarence — Never. Anything you tell me in confi- 
dence is sacred. 

Sarah .¥.— There's nothing verj' sacred about this. 
In fact, it's profane. 

Clarence — Profane. 

Sarah M. — Um-um, my temper. I've got an awful 
one. (Clarence backs off.) 

Clarence — But- but you never show it. 

Sarah M. — (threateningly) Don't I? 

Clarence — That is, I've never seen you. 

Sarah M. — No, not yet, but you might at any time. 
It's like this. (Smiling to herself) It comes sometimes 
at the slightest provocation. One night at a barn dance 
in Freeport, a great gump tramped on my new white 
slippers, and I — I — (shudders) 

Clarence — What did you do? 

Sarah M. — (closing her eyes) I pulled out his hair, 
all of it, in great fistfuls. 

Clarence — Oh, Sarah Maud! 

Sarah M. — Another time, an old lady stepped on my 
dress — accidentally, of course — and I — 

Clarence — You didn't? 

Sarah 'M. — No, I didn't do anything to her. 

Clarence — (unth a sigh of relief) No! 

Sarah M. — But I went straight home and chewed the 
knob off the mahogany bedpost. 



Clarence Decides ^3 

Clarence — Is that how you lost your tooth? 

Sarah M. — Lost my tooth? 

Clarence — Um-um; you remember you said you had 
one false one. 

Sarah M. — (gUbhjj Oh, yes, that's how I lost my 
tooth. Then, another time — 

Clarence — Spare me. 

Sarah M. — I don't see where 1 got such a temper 
from, but really there it is, and it's terribly unfortunate. 
It comes on without warning for the littlest things. I say 
without warning, but generally a few minutes l^efore I 
have an insane desire to scream. 

Clarence — Really! To scream I 

Sarah M. — Um-um, to scream. (She walks over to 
viantel above the fireplace and examines the picture of 
the three girls taken en groupe when children!. ) 

Clarence — What are you looking at? 

Sarah M. — Come here! -{He goes to h-er.) That's 
us when we were youngsters. Aren't we dear? To look 
at me, there, you'd never suspect I had a temper would 
you? 

Clarence — No, you look quite angelic, I'll say. 

Sarah Maud — (sweetly) Now, Clarence, say you 
think I'm the sweetest — of the three of us, I mean. 

Clarence — I'll say so. ; T)rrning aiid regarding her) 
Then and now. Say, Sarah Maud (attempts to embrace 
her) I don't care if you have got a temper I love — 

(Sarah Maud screams. Pause ivhile they stare at 
each other.) 

ClareJice — (falling back) You screamed! 

Sarah M. — /calmly) Um-um. 

Clarence — But you said you had that desire when — 

Sarah M. — (clasping her head) Oh, I know and I — 
feel it coming on. You'd better let m.e go, Clarence. 

Clarence — (helping her toward the door at right) 
By all means, go, Sarah Maud, go. 



hU Clarence Decides 

Sarah M. — (from- doorway) Before it is too late, 
Clarence, goodnight. 

Clarence — Good night. 

(She goes off and he stands for a second watchinff 
her ascend the stairs.) 

Clarence — (turning hack in the room) Damn shame I 
A mighty pretty girl. (Enter Julia M. at left; sees 
Clarence and tries to escape.) 

Clarence— (running over to her) I say, Julia May — 

Julia M, — (hopelessly) Yes, Clarence, 

Clarence — Come in a minute. 

Julia M. — (backing out) I — I — I — 

Clarence — Don't make excuses. Come here. (She 
enters timidly and he places his d.ands on her two shoul- 
ders.) Tm going to ask you something. 

Julia M. — Oh, Clarence, don't, please! Vm — I'm under 
oath tonight, not to answer truthfully to any question. 

Clarence — (dropping his hands) By Jove, what next? 

Julia M. — And, when you're under oath, you're un- 
der oath. 

Clarence — What's this for? 

Julia M. — I can't tell, that is, I can tell, but it would- 
n't be the truth, so — 

Clarence — You're up to some mischief and your 
Aunt Susan ought to know it. 

Julia M. — Oh, no, Clarence, we aren't. 

Clarence — (smiling diabolically) Which means you 
are, of course, after what you just told me. 

Julia M. — Oh, yes, I mean we are. 

Clarence — That's better. Stick to your contract. Ju- 
lia May, I called you in here to ask you an important 
question. 

Julia M, — ^But I — I can't answer it, truthfully. 

Clarence — Which means, of course, you can answer 
it truthfully. 



Clarence Decides 4,5 

Julia M.^— Oh, dear ! 

Clarence — Julia May, will you marry me? 
Julia M. — (stowing to think a moment) Yes, Clar- 
ence ! 

Claremce — My darling! (He starts to embrace her.) 

Julia M. — (drawing away) Which means no, Clar- 
ence, if I keep to the contract. (She smiles tantalizing- 
lyj 

Clarence — You are cruel. 

Julia M. — I'm sorry. 

Clarence — Which means you aren't. 

Julia M. — I warned you, Clarence. 

Clarence — But what right had you to warn me? 
What are you playing this way for? By Jove you are up 
to something. (Aside.) It will be the regret of mother's 
life that she trapped me here. 

Julia M. — What are you saying? 

Clarence — (sulkily) Nothing. (Suddenly.) Will 
you do something for me? 

Julia ikT.— What? 

Clarence — Tell my mother to come here at once. 

Julia M. — (with a tioinkle) Oh, yes, Clarence, I will. 
(She goes to door at left; nods hack at him. tantalizingly) 
Which means, of course, that I won't if I keep to my con- 
tract. 

Clarence — (Starts to run after her, but it is too 
late.) Damn! (He paces back and forth down stage.) 

(Enter Mary A., hatted and coated and carrying a 
suit case. She does not notice him at first, and steals on 
from right.) 

Clarence — Mary Ann! 

Mary Ann.— (startled, attempts to escape after drop- 
ping her suitcase. She makes a bold dash for the French 
door.) Oh! 



J^6 Clurence Decides 

CUirence — (catching her) No, you don't. This is no 
hour to take a stroll in the garden. It's ten o'clock, (His 
manner becomes masterful. He is desperately deter- 
mined.) 

Mary A.^-l must. 

Clarence— Yery well; then so must I. We'll go to- 
gether. 

Mary A. — Oh, no! 

Clare7ice — Very well. We won*t cross this threshold, 
either of us. Come here. (He grabs her by the wrists 
and pulls her down stage.) Mary Ann, you've got to lis- 
ten to me. 

Mary A. — Oh, Clarence! Whai has happened to 
you ? You — ^you are a regular cave man. 

Clarence — (bettveen his teeth ) It's the cave man 
stuif that gets 'em, they tell me. 

Mary A. — Oh! 

Clarence — I've stood enough nonsense. 

Mary A. — Oh, dear! I never saw you like this. You 
are dreadful ! I — I think I'm going to scream. 

Clarence — Scream, then ! 

Mary A. — (flops into chair by table.) You're cruel. 
What right have you to hold me here, a — a p-p-prisoner? 

Clarence — (towering over her) The right of might! 
Stop crying! 

Mary A. — I — I c-can't. 

Clarence — Mary Ann, obey me. (She wipes her eyes 
and makes an effort.) I have an important question to 
ask you. 

Mary A. — But, I — 

Clarence — (In a terrible voice.) Mary Ann! 

Mary A. — (meekly) Yes, Clarence. 

Clarence — Listen! (Julia M. and Sarah M. appear 
at the French door, unnoticed by either Clarence or Mary 
A.) I've been here at Fleurmont three weeks. I've seen 
you girls every day, three and four times a day, and I've 



Clarence Decides 47 

made an effort to see you oftener, and you know when a 
man does that — 

Mary A. — (rising) Oh, Clarence don't say any more, 
please don't. 

(Sarah M. opens French door a crack to hear better) 

Clarence — Sit down. (She sits.) Mary Ann, love is 
a strange thing. 

Marij A. — rl know it. I kn-know it. No one kn-knows 
it any better than I do. 

Clarence — Stop sniffling! (She wipes her eyes 
again.) And a wonderful thing. Mary Ann, I love you. 

Mary A. — (rising again) Oh, you aren't going to 
propose. 

Clarence — ^That's just what I am going to do, and 
you're going to listen. 

Mary A. — I — c-c-can't! 

Clarence — And, what's more, you're going to marry 
me. 

Mary A. — (falling on her knees) Please, Clarence^ 
let me go. 

Clarence — Get up! (She obeys.) And you're going 
to say you will marry me before you leave this room. 

(Mary A. gives a moan of distress. Sarah M., real- 
izing now is the time, bursts open the door, rushes in, 
grabs Mary A. by the hand and drags her ont while Julia 
A/., the accomplice, takes the suit case and switches off 
the lights. It is all done so quickly that Clarence stares 
stupified. Darkness, except for the end of his cigarette. 
The French door slams to, then silence. Presently Mrs. 
M.'s voice is heard off stage at right.) 

Mrs. M. — Clarence! It's ten o'clock. (She stumbles 
on at right.) 

Clarence — Yes, mother. 

Mrs. M. — (in a sweet tone, thinking of course they 
are spooning) Oh, I am intruding. 

Clarencfh- (switching on lights) It's time somebody 
did. 



48 Clarence Decides 

Mrs. M. — (looking about) Where is she? 

Clarence — She? 

M7's. M, — I — I thought you were enjoying each oth- 
er's company in the dark. 

Clarence — (elated) By Jove, I almost got her. 

Mrs. M. — Almost got her? 

Clarence — (unheeding his mother/ IVe got it. I've 
got it. 

Mrs. M. — (shaking him) It! What are you talking 
about? 

Clarence — The idea. It, the idea ! By Jove, the next 
girl that I propose to will marry me, I'll wager. (Turns 
to his mother.) Behold the new Clarence, Ciarerjce, the 
Cave Man ! 

Mrs. M. — Have you gone mad? Where is she? 

Clarence — (still possessed of his one idea) Who? 

Mrs. M. — Sarah Maud. 

Clarence — (vagtiely) Sarah Maud — but — but it 
wasn't Sarah Maud. It was Mary Ann, and I almost won 
her, when some bally fool broke the spell. 

(Enter Mrs. D., from left, much excited.) 

Mrs. D. — (rushing hetiveen mother and son) They 
have gone. They have gone. 

Mrs. M.— Who? Oh, what is it? 

Mrs. D. — My nieces have gone — eloped with those 
gardeners. 

Clarence — (flopping in a chair) My god! 

Mrs. M, — (shrieking) What! Not with those gar- 
deners, those dreadful gardeners ! Oh, I'm going to faint ! 

Mrs. D. — No, you aren't. (Not knoioing tvhat she is 
saying.) No, you aren't. And I took them from home to 
make brilliant matches for them — to save them from this. 

Mrs. M. — Their tastes were low. Their tastes were 
low. Their tastes — 

Clarence — ^were low. 



Clarence Decides ^g 

Mrs, Z>.— What will their father say? Why did I 
send for them? 

Mrs. M.— Get her smelling salts, Clarence. (Clar- 
ence gets up.) 

Mrs. D.—No, no, I don't want my smelling salts; I 
want my nieces. 

f French door opens and Sarah M., folloived by Jtdia 
M., and Mary A., and all three gardeners enter.) 

Sarah M.— (running to Mrs. D.) Aunt Susan, we've 
come back. (They cluster about her and the gardeners 
keep in the background.) 

Julia M. — And we've brought our bridegrooms. 
Clarence — Jehosaphat ! 
Mary A.— And they want to be introduced. 
Mrs. D. — Oh, girls, what have you done? 

Sarah M. — There, we've made a mess of it. I knew 
we \yould. Aunt Susan. (She clutches her head and looks 
straight into her eyes.) Listen! Your wildest ambitions 
are satisfied. Do you hear? (She pulls fortvard Third.) 
Let me present John Anthony Price 2nd, and grandson of 
the John Anthony Price, heir to millions; but I love him 
just the same. 

Clarence — Jehosaphat ! 

Mrs. D. — John Anthony Price! Is it true? 

Third — (coming forward and offering a hand) It is, 
madam, and I'm delighted the fact pleases you, because it 
pleases me mightily. 

Sarah M. — I'm going to have everything I want — 
clothes, jewels and you're to visit me ; but wait (stepping 
back.) Jt's your turn, Mary Ann. 

Mary A. — Dear Aunt Susan, I know you'll be pleased 
to meet Paul Levally, son of the famous painter, and a 
painter, himself. 

Mrs. D.—My dear boy, No. Why, I knew your fa- 
ther in Paris. 



50 Clarence Decides 

First — (laughing and shaking hands) I've long: 
wanted to shake your hand in latitude. You furnished 
me with a job and then a wife, and w^hat more can a man 
ask? 

Mrs. D. — Oh, my children, my children, whom have 
I been employing unawares? 

Third — We've had a jolly lark out of it. 

Mary A. — There's Julia May! Come dear. 

f Julia M., follcwed hy second, comes forward,) 

Julia M. — (shyly) And this, Aunt Susan, is Lee 
Pratt— 

Mrs. D. — (staggering > Not Lee Pratt, the writer! 
Not Lee Pratt, himself! 

Second — And a most grateful one, madam, for the 
practical knowledge your garden has given me. You see,. 
I was writing a book in which gardens played a big part^ 
and so I had to have practical knowledge. 

Mrs. D. — I — I am overcome. 

Sarah M. — And, now, Anntie, I ask you — Could we 
have done any better? 

Mrs. D. — Was ever a woman so decieved? 

Mrs. M. — Yes, I was! 

Sarah M. — Come forth, Clarence, and congratulate 
us. (The girls gather around Clarence and talk to him.) 

Second— -Vwe apologies to make for the way we de- 
serted you. (To Mr^.. D.) 

Mrs. D. — I — I thought you had stolen the silver! 

Third — Now, Mrs. Davenport, we never stole a 
thing in our lives. 

Mrs. D. — (her arms encircling her nieces) Oh, yes, 
you have. You've stolen my most precious jewels ! 

CURTAIN 



Here Are Some Popular 
Eldridge Action Songs 

=PRICE 35 CENTS EACH^== 



Big Chief Not-Afraid-of -His -Lessons. 

The ''Champion" Baseball Nine. 

Four Little Maids at Tea. 

Hard Times in Boyland. 

I Can Hardly Wait Until T Grow to 

be a Man. 
It's So Nice to be Acquainted. 
If I Were the Ruler of Fairyland. 
Little Sleep-head Dolly. 
When My Dolly Grows to be a Lady. 
Little Housewives Club. 
The Little Soldier and the Red Cross 

Maid. 
The Little Tradesladies. 
Miss Cherry-blossom's Party. 
Upsetting Gravity. 
When Silver Moon Meets Spotted 

Horse. 
Youthful Politicians. 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

FRANKLIN, OHIO, also 944 S. Logan, DENVER, COLO. 



NEW HIGH SCHOOL PLAYS 



ALONG CAME BUD— 

for 4 boys and 2 girls. Bud, quite inno- 
cently causes a lot of trouble, but all ends 
well when Bud comes along. Price 25c. 

CLARENCE DECIDES— 

is for 4 males and 6 females, and is a 
very clever comedy. All kinds of funny 
situations fire introduced. Price 35c. 

THE CAPTAIN'S PREDICAMENT— 

a rattlirg good farce for 3 males and 4 
females. Lots of fun. Price, 35 cents. 

LOST.-.THE WHOLE CROWD AND 
THE PARROT— 

a farce in which many amusing complica- 
tions aiise. Plays whole evening. 8 
males and 5 females. Price. 35 cents. 

POLLY LOU— 

a new Gladys Bridgham farce in which 
there is plenty of action and an interest- 
ing plot. 6 males, 8 females. Price 35c, 

THE VISITING SMITHS— 

a short sketch telling how the Smith's 
Corner ..Smiths descended on the New 
York Smiths for a visit. Price, 25 cents. 

THE CONVERSION OF PA. 
THE TRIALS OF EZRA— 

two new Agricultural Extension plays. 
Each, 25 cents. 

Eldridge Entertainment House 

Franklin, Ohio, also 944 S. Logan, Denver, Colo. 



H! use these on any school ?R*>iRAy 



TUNEFUL OPENING 
AND CLOSING SONGS 

FRIC£ 35 CEifTS EACH 

You're Welcome If You Ke^i» Pti^rr 
Srill. 

If We Were You and You Wi:r.c L -. 
We'll Try to Make You Come Again. 
Its Terr Clear Your Welcome Here. 
Hello, Evprr-n.dv — Glad to S+^-e Y »ii 
Here. 

With a Tear In One Eye, We Will 
Tell You Goodbye. 

H Ifs Time to Tell You All Gixnibve. 



y 



•I 
THESE WILL ^L\XE YOLT. ! • 

WHOLE EXTERTAINMEXT j:^ 

EVEN MORE SECCESSEUL 

— I 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMEhT HOUSE 

FKAHLM, OeiO ab* 944 S. Usa, DERVEH COLO. 



i^ 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




Seene from the Comic Opera, ''The Captain of Plymouth" 



THE CAPTAIN OF PLYMOUTH 

' This is a splendid number for any time, and especially good 
for High School, Choral Societies, etc. Price complete $1.25. 
Right of presentation given with purchase of 1 5 copies. Rental 
of orchestration $7.00. 



THE HERMIT OF HAW AH 

is just the thing for your school society or High School chorus. 
It is written by the popular composer, Arthur Penn, and is 
especially tuneful and clever. Price $1.25. Right of presen- 
tation given with purchase of 1 5 copies. Rental of orches- 
tration $7.00. 



OPERETTAS FOR CHILDREN 

Midsummer Eve ----- 60 cents 

In Little Folks Town 60 cents 

Under The Sugar Plum Tree - - - 60 cents 

Arcticania - $1.00 



SEND 15 CENTS POSTAGE FOR APPROVAL COPIES. 



ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, 



FRANKLIN, OHIO 



DENVER, COLORADO 

944 South Logan Street. 



i 



S@! 



